Mourning

There is a hole. A void. A gap. A very present lacking, now.
I try hard to keep it in the back of my mind.
I pretend that I am the same as I was before that night.
I saw the call, who it was, and I knew something was wrong.
I didn't think you would be gone. Disappeared. Vanished.
I always thought there would be more time.
Now, I wish I had held you closer, hugged you more, told you I love you more often, reached out better.
My dreams of what could be are nothing now. My hopes that what should be, would be, are as empty as my heart.
I lean on my Lord, thankful for the lessons you taught. The laughs we shared. The tears we shed.
But no amount of time can heal this wound. A part of me died, too.
I can't change it. I am helpless. This is permanent, when everything and everyone else is temporary.
You were too young, too alive, too full of promise, to go away when you did.
Your life was a light, more than I knew. And when that light departed, I lost more than I expected.
Love endures. I don't know what awaited you upon your rest. I can only think that an ever merciful God will be a just and righteous judge.
I wish I knew I would see you again. I will never let go of your memory.
But oh, what I would trade for just a last embrace. One last conversation. One last goodbye.
You are and always will be the only one that could fill the space.
Rest now. For I will not burden you with my grief. Death is no villain. He is your reward for a hard life.
I hope, and I cope with the thought, that one day we shall see each other again.
Until then, my tears are for my wound that only your return could heal.
I love you Dad.